Expert Relationship Skill-building, Problem-solving, and Educational Materials
These materials include quizzes to help you understand your relationship better, along with step-by-step protocols and worksheets that you can take and use in your relationship immediately.
If you need more assistance or personalized coaching or help with using these worksheets in your situation, please feel free to schedule a live personal consultation with Couples Coach on Call.
Entire Expert Relationship Toolkit
Get every download on this page, including Quizzes, Guide, and Core Couples Communication and Rupture Repair Skills
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Complete 2019 Expert Relationship Core Skills Toolkit with Quizzes
Save 25% ~ Entire toolkit in one download
45 pages of Expert Relationship discussion, protocols, worksheets, quizzes, and toolkits.
Total price of individual Core Skills and Quizzes: $133.86, if purchased individually
Includes...
Quizzes:
- Relationship Health Quiz - Get a 360 overview of how your relationship is functioning
- Energy Equation Calculator - For couples who would like to get an idea of how each of their energy investments in the relationship are netting out
- Relationship Fuel Source - A companion to the Energy Equation Calculator, used for thinking about how you “fuel” your relationship (and yourself!)
The Essential Core Communication and Rupture Repair Skills:
- Good Deals - Essential tool for understanding the fundamentals of relating
- The Meaningful Encounter - Detailed step-by-step protocol for having a skillful relationship repair conversation (Attunement-in-Action/A-in-A).
- Rupture 911 - A pause and reconvene planning tool so you have an agreement about what to do at the first signs of a relationship rupture.
- Pause competency - To support you when you need to take a break before attuning.
- Expert message, Initiator - A worksheet to guide you in creating a skillful A-in-A message for your partner in the wake of a relationship rupture.
- Attunement prep: initiator & receiver - Helpful tips to get each of you in the right headspace prior to having the A-in-A repair conversation.
- Attunement in Action Cheat Sheet - A handy cheat sheet to use during an A-in-Aconversation.
- First person attunement - An adjustment to the standard Attunement-in-Action, provides a more intensive attunement strategy for extra-hard issues.
Extra Support for Expert Communication
- Expert Apology - A detailed process for offering a complete, robust apology.
- Expert Forgiveness - To help you figure out how to forgive and move on.
- Expert Appreciation - Essential skill for fueling your relationship and letting your partner know how you value them.
- Expert Affirmations - Excellent daily personal housekeeping to help keep your relationship and yourself oriented in a healthy, skillful direction.
- Lifetime of Love - 12 expert relationship skills to master for an attuned and enriching lifetime of partnership
- Gettin’ in Sync - A sweet, gentle physical synchronization technique to help you feel heard and cared for, and to more deeply attune to each other. Good for challenging conversations of any type.
- Spot Treatment for Everyday Issues - A mini version of the full Attunement-in-Action protocol. Best used after you have practiced Attunement-in-Action.
One 45-page pdf.
Relationship Quizzes & Toolkit Guide
Get the Most from Your Expert Relationship Tools
Your guide to using the Expert Relationship downloads.
Use this download to help you organize and use your Expert Relationship Core Communication Skills.
Two-page pdf. Includes discussion and suggestions.
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Relationship Health Quiz
Is your relationship healthy and on the right track?
Find out! This tool offers a comprehensive overview of various areas of your relationship to help you begin to identify the issues that need work. Takes at least an hour to complete. Five page pdf.
This snapshot has five sections:
1) how you and your partner relate;
2) how you personally feel about your relationship;
3) a self-scoring assessment to get a sense of the overall health of your relationship;
4) an interpretation section so you know what your score means; and
5) next steps section to help you begin forming a plan of action
One download per customer, available for seven days after purchase.
Couples Energy Equation Calculator
Find out if your relationship efforts are out of balance.
If you feel like you and your partner are not putting the same amount of effort into your relationship, figure it out. This calculator will help you begin to assess and correct the imbalances.
This detailed calculator results provide you with a percentage score to understand the overall balance of energy/effort each of you are investing into your relationship. Use it to understand your direct effort into maintaining the relationship (not effort directed primarily toward yourself ~ even if some of the things you do have an indirect benefit for your relationship.)
Topics include:
- Household management
- Money
- Couple time
- Mutual support for relationship
- Sexuality and affection
- Communication and connection
- Children
Takes at least an hour to complete. Four page pdf, requires basic math skills, or a calculator. One download per customer, available for seven days after purchase.
The Relationship Fuel worksheet is a handy companion to this calculator.
Where Is Your Relational Energy Coming From?
Find out how you keep your relationship alive!
Relating with others takes a lot of fuel just to keep the relationship going. In relationship, there is healthy fuel, such as feeling loved, having a companion to spend time with, feeling understood, and there is unhealthy fuel, such as guilt, anger, unhealthy obligation, alcohol use, etc.
Gain insight into how you are fueling your relationship with this overview of relational fuel sources, and discover how you are getting the energy to keep your relationship flourishing (and find out where you need better fuel.Your relationship won't function well without healthy fuel.
A good companion to the Energy Equation Calculator.
2-page pdf.
Core Couples Communication and Rupture Repair Skills
Relationship Rupture 911
Make a plan for handling repairs before there's a problem.
Relationship Rupture 911 (RR911) is to help you establish an agreed-upon process to address your issues, so it's ready when you do have an issue arise. It's very difficult to establish a skillful process when your are in the middle of an argument. It’s much harder to formulate a skillful plan for resolving a dispute after an issue has erupted, and when partners are feeling triggered, frustrated, or upset.
This RR911 worksheet will give you some great pointers on how to plan in advance for how to approach an issue, before the fuse is lit and things spiral out of control. Establish appropriate agreements and learn a way to approach a problem that feels organized and safe.
2-page pdf.
Relationship Rupture 911 works as a stand-alone, but is even more effective when combined with Attunement-in-Action.
Good Deals
Good partnership "deals" help your relationship run smoothly.
And bad deals cause ruptures ... !
Understanding your relationship "deals" is essential to expert relating. Understanding the deals, aka agreements, between you and your partner will help you understand the underlying components of your relationship, and why you have ruptures. Better yet, understanding your "deals" will help you understand how to repair your relationship when a deal goes awry.
Agreements form a fundamental basis for how we relate with others, and even determine *if* we are going to relate at all. People are constantly listening to others, keying in on what they do and don't agree with. Agreements and disagreements are occurring all the time, even if it seems like you and your partner are just having a normal, everyday conversation.
Many agreements are not discussed, and those silent agreements often are at the core of the problem, when minor slip-ups turn into major ruptures.
Surface your silent and stated agreements to better understand both the good and not-so-good “deals” you have between you, so you can accurately pinpoint and resolve the real reasons you are having ruptures.
Four page pdf, includes discussion, definition of a "good deal" between partners, examples of silent and stated agreements, and a worksheet to help you craft Good Deals between you and your partner.
Pause Competency
Skillfully choose to take a break when you need it.
When things are going haywire and you experience a rupture in your relationship, one of the most skillful actions you can take is a brief time out. Sometimes stepping away from a charged discussion can be very difficult. This worksheet can help you step away skillfully so you can reconvene with your partner in a more productive way.
"Pause competency" is when you are skillful enough to know that a break is needed, and how to take a break. This handout is full of supportive tips and ideas to help you take a break in your interaction with your partner before you do lasting (or even permanent) damage to your relationship.
Two-page pdf with discussion, affirmations, and tips for skillful thoughts, actions to help you pause competently.
The Meaningful Encounter - Attunement in Action
The expert communication strategy for rupture repair.
Communication skills are the number one request from couples. This three-phase couples communication protocol, known as "Attunement-in-Action," provides a detailed step-by-step structure for having a meaningful encounter with your partner. Use this when you can't seem to have a talk about an important or triggering issue without encountering difficulties.
The detailed protocol offers an overview of the process, and specific instructions for each phase in the process. Use this when you are having trouble expressing your issues, and hearing each other's point of view. It's advisable to read the entire protocol and practice on a minor topic prior to tackling the big issues between you.
Includes a cheat sheet for quick reference for you and your partner during practice.
Four separate files, seven total pages:
- Three page protocol for having a structured, meaningful conversation
- One page cheat sheet that includes the meaningful "attunement" basics
- Two-page pre-conversation individual prep, so you both bring your best selves to the conversation
- First person reflection (an alternative format for meaningful encounters)
Expert Message Prep
Know what you want to say before you say it.
When you have something challenging to say, the Expert Message Prep worksheet will help you organize and prepare your thoughts prior to initiating a difficult conversation with your partner. It is useful for exploring what matters to you, for identifying the best way to approach an issue, and for knowing how to approach the things that need said.
Preparing an expert message is very helpful to complete prior to talking with your partner. It will help keep communication healthy during situations that tend to turn into arguments and/or shutdown behavior.
Highly recommended to use with The Meaningful Encounter, Pause Competency, and Rupture 911, but can be used as a stand alone.
One-page pdf worksheet.
Spot Treatment
For smaller issues that need on-the-spot attention.
Some issues don't require a full "Meaningful Encounter" (see download). Yet as we all know, sometimes small things do arise that need attended to so they don't fester or grow into something big.
This brief step-by-step protocol is designed to help you and your partner attend to small issues that arise right in the moment. Based on Attunement-in-Action, Spot Treatment includes a brief discussion, ideas about which process serves what type of issue best, and is designed so you can clip it out and have it handy when you need it.
It's recommended that you learn and practice Attunement-in-Action, contained in The Meaningful Encounter download prior to relying on this brief process.
One page pdf.
Expert Affirmations
Inspirational support for yourself and your relationship.
Affirmations help orient our thoughts and set our actions and energies in positive, helpful, uplifting ways. Choose your favorites to say to yourself out loud every day, and during challenging times with your partner. Use affirmations to help you be inspired, skillful, centered, and wise ~ because you are!
These affirmations are designed especially for relating with your partner, for stress, and for support with your daily well-being.
One-page pdf.
Gettin' In Partnership Sync
Synchronize with your partner using this gentle technique.
Try this "mutual co-regulation" conversation method for when you want to communicate something challenging to your partner. Gettin' in Sync utilizes gentle tapping together to help you and your partner share difficult news, emotionally challenging experiences, and even repair ruptures. Highly recommended for use after you have practiced with The Meaningful Encounter.
One page pdf, step-by-step protocol with brief discussion.
The Expert Apology, step-by-step
Sometimes simply saying "sorry" isn't going to cut it.
Maybe you really messed up. (Or maybe your partner did.) It can be hard to move past an issue with an incomplete and unsatisfying apology. And sometimes it's hard to know exactly what words to use to get out of the doghouse and get your relationship back on track.
This protocol + worksheet is a detailed plan, designed to help you begin to bring appropriate closure to a rupture and meaningfully reconnect.
Get out of the doghouse with this complete step-by-step "I'm sorry" protocol that includes expert tips and a worksheet for you to fill out to prepare your very best apology.
Four-page pdf. One download per customer.
Expert Forgiveness
Learn to forgive effectively and release upset feelings.
Forgiving can be challenging, especially after a difficult rupture. Yet, fully forgiving is a crucial part of the relationship repair process. Use this worksheet to begin to understand the forgiveness process, and to formulate your own thoughts and forgiveness statement so you can "let it go like a pro."
The long-term health and success of your relationship depends on you and your partner's ability to fully meet one another in accountability, repair, and forgiveness.
Three-page pdf including worksheet.
Consider using "Expert Apology" and "The Meaningful Encounter" as part of this process.
Expert Appreciation
Support your partner with skillful appreciations.
Letting your partner know how much they matter to you can help restore and enrich your relationship. An appreciation is a two-way gift ~ you get as much satisfaction, if not more, by expressing a sincere appreciation.
Just remember, anexpert appreciation goes beyond one-line compliments and thank you's. A good appreciation demonstrates how much your partner means to you, and the things about them that you love, admire, and are inspired by. Give and receive sincere appreciations with awareness and care as often as possible.
Your relationship will benefit immensely with renewed feelings of love, value, and trust.
Three page pdf, including discussion, protocol, and worksheet.
A Lifetime of Love
12 key attunements to support your relationship.
This handout provides twelve essential tips, with explanations to support you and your partner in a lifetime of love, growth, and kindness. It's designed to be a part of your overall "Expert Relating" strategy for maintaining a healthy connection with your partner.
Works best for couples who have completed with core skills protocols and worksheets.
2-page handout with discussion and tips.
Bundles
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Apology & Forgiveness Package with Bonus!
Save 20%, includes Rupture 911 Bonus!
Get the help you need to Expertly Apologize and Expertly Forgive when you want to fully release an issue and move on! Includes Rupture 911 so you and your partner can make a plan for handling issues that occur in the future.
9-page pdf. Includes Expert Apology, Expert Forgiveness, and Rupture 911 bonus.
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All the relationship health quizzes!
Save 40% off regular retail!
Get the lowdown on your relationship with this bundle of thought provoking quizzes and calculators. (Regular retail price is $27.97 for all three.)
Bundle includes Relationship Health Quiz, Energy Equation Calculator, and Fuel Source Worksheet.
11-page pdf.